Bereaved Mother’s Day 2025
“Medical providers, take mom seriously when they have a concern. But also, offer the extra tests, offer the extra reassurance, because it's available and it's really wild how high infant mortality and maternal mortality is in this country. And then for the community at large, just say our babies’ names and remember that our grief didn't end just because we no longer look pregnant, or because we had another living child, or because we went to a party and seemed happy.” – Vero Gonzalez
Taylor Campbell, 30, is a professional bartender with a passion for people. Early in her career she learned the impact you can make on someone within a short interaction, and that experience mixed with the insights and knowledge she’s gained from listening to others’ life stories is a gift. Taylor is an avid reader, occasional artist, and an open, loving soul. Happily married to her partner of ten years, Taylor is currently navigating new challenges as she and her husband learn how to accept bereaved parents as a new identity within their lives. She hopes sharing their story will make other parents feel less alone, bring attention to infant and pregnancy loss being something that can affect anyone, and advocate for grief literacy in society as a whole.
Rosa Torres is a mom of two beautiful children, Luca and Luna. She loves to embark on family adventures to new places, birdwatch in the garden, and cuddle up on the couch with her husband, son, and dog. She is passionate about sharing her daughter’s story as a way to honor her and help other parents feel less alone on this isolating journey.
This blog is made possible by a sponsorship from Sage Therapeutics, Inc. and Biogen Inc. All content on this page has been curated by the Mass. PPD Fund without input from Sage Therapeutics, Inc. or Biogen Inc.
May 2025 | Interviewed and edited by Jessie Colbert, Executive Director, Mass. PPD Fund
We are proud to recognize International Bereaved Mother’s Day with a conversation featuring three mothers who lost babies and found support and community through Empty Arms Bereavement Support. Taylor Campbell, Vero Gonzalez, and Rosa Torres benefitted from Empty Arms’ programming, including in-hospital support, support groups, community events, and more. In this conversation, they share their stories and highlight how important it is to recognize, name, and remember the children they’ve lost. They also offer valuable lessons for loved ones and for the medical community, and share how loss is a lifelong journey: “There’s no timeline.”
Would each of you like to start by taking a moment to share your story, including how you connected with Empty Arms?
Rosa Torres: Last year we had our daughter, Luna, in March. It was a very hard labor for three days. Severe brain damage. She only lived for 12 hours, and Empty Arms was there at the hospital. I didn't get to meet Carol [Empty Arms’ Founder and Executive Director Carol McMurrich] at the time, because we were still processing what was going on. But they made casts, and took pictures, and gave us a lot of information. That’s how we got involved.
Vero Gonzalez: I had an early miscarriage in 2018. When we lost that pregnancy, everyone said, You know, miscarriage is so common the first time around, it means your body didn't know how to be pregnant, but now it's going to know how to do it. So when we got pregnant with my living son, born [healthy] in 2021, I thought, Great, loss is all behind me. The doctor said the best indicator of a future healthy pregnancy is a previous healthy pregnancy.
When we started trying for a second child, we got pregnant right away. Everything looked great, and we flew home to Puerto Rico – I hadn't been able to see my family during my previous pregnancy because of the pandemic. We flew back just in time for my 20-week appointment, and all of a sudden, my perfect, healthy baby, they were seeing some issues with her heart, they were seeing some issues with her brain. They sent us for an MRI, and by the time we got to that appointment, her heart had stopped beating. It came out of nowhere.
This was right before Christmas. The doctor said, You have to deliver your baby before the holidays because there's not going to be anyone around. There was not a lot of time to discuss options, or what support could look like. That was hard.
At the hospital itself, people were very compassionate, and they were able to give us footprints, we met with a social worker, and Empty Arms seemed to be the organization that people mentioned the most. [Empty Arms] had just had their monthly support group a couple of days before our loss, so I knew I would have to wait a month. I was just trying to get through the holidays.
It’s been really wonderful being a part of the Empty Arms family. A subsection of [our stillbirth support group] got pregnant again, and were able to support each other. We formed our own WhatsApp channel where we supported each other through every scare, every anxious moment, every moment of joy during our pregnancies. We’re still parenting together on that thread!
Taylor Campbell: I had my son, Wyatt, on July 3, 2024. I was trying to give birth in a midwifery instead of a hospital setting, but once you hit the 42-week mark, you have to go to the hospital. I was induced on July 2, and by 7 PM on July 3, I was pushing. Everything seemed to be going fine, and then all of a sudden they had to rush me to an emergency C-section because they realized that it was my heart rate they were following [on the monitor], not my son's.
I woke up many hours later to find that we were getting ready to move hospitals. He got transferred to Baystate in Springfield to go to the NICU, but the brain damage was so severe from his oxygen being cut off for an unknown amount of time that after 11 days he passed. Empty Arms came in [after we left], and they took some beautiful photos of our Wyatt and did the hand and foot castings, and texted and reached out after. It was very valuable.
It took a couple of months for us to be open to going to the support groups, but it was very validating to have a group where you can say anything at all. There’s not any judgment, and there's just so much loving support because everyone either remembers it or they're still in it. It is a lifelong journey.
Thank you for sharing. I’m so sorry to hear about the babies you’ve each lost. It seems like in addition to the heartbreak of the loss itself, oftentimes the pain you’re going through is unrecognized or misunderstood. What do you wish people understood better about loss?
Rosa: I had an older son when we had Luna. One thing that was not helpful was everybody saying, You have a healthy child, you should be grateful. But it's like, I can be grateful and also be sad and angry that my daughter died.
Vero: People need to understand that one child does not replace another. And parenting through grief is so hard. I just wanted to not leave bed, but I had to because I had to feed my child, I had to smile for him, I had to keep going. And as Taylor was mentioning, this grief is ongoing, this reality is ongoing. It doesn't just end when people stop delivering meals, or when your belly disappears. It’s going to come up every due date, every anniversary, every holiday.
Taylor: I agree, and also there was this overwhelming sense from everyone that I wasn't postpartum because my son wasn't here. There was such a push to get back out there, be active, you can have more kids, you can try again. As if the life that I literally created and carried does not count. It devalues your motherhood even though you're still a mother.
Vero: Absolutely. And people ignore the fact that your body also had this experience, that you're bleeding, that your milk comes in and there's no baby to feed. My milk came in Christmas morning. I was in so much pain, I didn't know what to do. My husband's chasing around town trying to find a cabbage, and nothing’s open. No one tells you!
In terms of our health care system and society in general, how can we do a better job of supporting people going through loss?
Rosa: Just being heard. I felt a little bit dismissed by the doctors, even though I'm living this experience, this is my body. Also, just treating my baby like their life means something. I hated the word “fetal demise.” She was a baby girl.
Vero: I think that people forget that when you lose a baby, you're losing that toddler, and that 10-year-old, and that teenager, and that adult as well. You're losing a whole future and those possibilities. I really appreciate when friends reach out during anniversaries, when they celebrate birthdays or send a message. That's something that Empty Arms does really beautifully. I also really appreciate it when people say her name, Alana – that acknowledgement, as Rosa was saying.
As for providers, something that always comes up in group is so many of our baby's deaths were fully preventable. When I was trying for my baby who is eight months now, we had to go through IVF testing, and it came up that I have a clotting factor. They think that when I traveled to Puerto Rico, there was a blood clot in the umbilical cord that restricted her blood flow. Why aren't all women given at least the option of having these blood tests done? It could save so many lives.
Taylor: I think one thing that everyone can work on is just grief literacy as a whole. It seems like grievers are the ones responsible [for teaching] other people how to treat us, how to show up for us. We’re doing the work, we go to support groups, we go to therapy, but they don’t go out of their way – or even do a quick google search – [to learn] what not to say or things that would be helpful. And [the grieving parent] needs to put on that brave face to make other people comfortable.
Vero: I apologized to so many people for making them feel uncomfortable about the fact that my baby had died. Because I looked visibly pregnant, people would ask me, How far along are you? And I would say, Actually, my baby passed away, and then they just didn't know how to react. They asked really intrusive questions, and if you answered their questions, they were offended.
Rosa: I feel like most people think, let's not mention it. But I actually prefer it when people bring it up. My in-laws had a baby die, and back then it was done so differently, they just took her away. The way they handle it is they just never talk about it. My family does all the time, like, Look, there's a rainbow, Luna came to visit me today. It makes me so happy. It makes me so sad that my in-laws just ignore the fact that Luna existed.
Vero: My family won't talk about her because it makes them sad. There's a lot of, You should just be grateful that you have the boys. I also have a bag of baby girl clothes in the closet that I can't bring myself to get rid of, that [my parents] gave me, so can we talk about it?
Taylor: Yeah, people like to talk about their grief, but they can't sit with mine. It makes you want to isolate from people because you can't carry that weight too. It’s really hard to always be the guiding force, and I think that's what loss parents are.
Totally. Is there more you can share about the support you’ve received from Empty Arms and how it has made a difference for you?
Rosa: I'm an action-oriented person, so I really like feeling like I’m doing something. It makes me feel like I’m honoring her by writing cards, or fundraising, or they have a trivia night.
Vero: It’s great that they do provider trainings, I think that's so necessary. I also really appreciate that the support is ongoing, there's no timeline. You're never made to feel like, okay, six months have passed, you should stop coming to group. People come by years after just because they're having a particularly hard month or there's an anniversary and they want to be with other loss parents. I also love seeing group participants become facilitators.
Taylor: I agree with everything they both said. For me, it was really just not feeling alone, because it's such an isolating experience. Right when they came to my house with the hand and footprints, they're like, We have a mom we’re going to connect you with that went through something similar recently. You get to start with people in the worst moments of your life, and then build your connection from there. I also love the events. We just did the Syrup Stampede [benefit walk for Empty Arms] for the first time, and it was so beautiful just to see how many people showed up to support the people they love.
Vero: I didn't have that family support and or really that friend support — people just didn't know what to do with us. It was really great to have this space and this new family.
It’s wonderful that Empty Arms has been so helpful. Is there anything else you’d like to add?
Rosa: The thing that I would reiterate for medical professionals is just to really listen to your patients. Luna would be here if they listened to me, because I knew something was wrong. I was in terrible pain, and they still decided to wait until it was too late.
Vero: The same: to medical providers, take mom seriously when they have a concern. But also, offer the extra tests, offer the extra reassurance, because it's available and it's really wild how high infant mortality and maternal mortality is in this country. And then for the community at large, just say our babies’ names and remember that our grief didn't end just because we no longer look pregnant, or because we had another living child, or because we went to a party and seemed happy.
Taylor: I don't know the right words for it, but [medical providers] don't pay close enough attention, they almost become complacent. Even being hooked up to monitors my entire labor, it took no time at all for everything to turn south. I also really agree with Vero that our pain does not end. I have a fear that when I have more children, people are just going to brush Wyatt’s existence under the rug.
Vero: Taylor, something that some of the moms in my Parenting After Loss Support Group do is they refer to their baby as a little sibling, just to keep it in people's minds. That's something you could do when the time comes: This is our youngest child, not our only child.
Taylor: Beautiful.
Rosa: Thank you for letting us share, because I just love talking about Luna as much as I can.